Dancing Flames

Oh, that fire.

That beautiful fire that danced around.

The beautiful orange and blue mixture,

That blazed with beauty but your texture burned.

Your force field of your natural heat,

Burned everything around you within a distance.

But my hand around that force field,

Kept you safe as you danced.

You moved beautifully with my hand.

Keeping eye to eye.

Burning my gaze and blinding me.

Keeping you safe as you danced.

You are the element of love.

The title for all.

The danger to all...to me...

You are...my Dancing Flames.

Psychotic Bitch

Well, well, here I am.

On the stretcher, in the white room.

A fun place to divine my thoughts into reality.

A nice place to stay away from society.

Ha..ha...

Oh great, what do you want?

I just wanna hang out with you.

Isn't that nice,

Do you have any way of getting me out of here?

Nope, sorry, I'm just as tied as you are.

Very funny.

But now I'm a bit hungry.

I'm a bit horny.

I'm a bit bored.

I need my iPod.

I need my cheeseburger.

I need my whiskey.

I need sex.

I can't get out of here.

I need to get out of here.

Desperately,

I have to get out of here.

How did I get in here?

What did I do to get here?

This white room...it's beautiful.

It's gorgeous and so...painful.

Ugh, this light...it's horrifying.

I think I like this place.

I think I'll stay.

I think I'll live here.

Ha ha...I like it.

Made Up Make Up

I should dress like a girl more.

I wanna dress like her someday.

I wanna be a model someday.

I wish I can be beautiful like her.

You are beautiful.

That's what they tell you.

They tell me that I'm pretty when that's what I really want.

Because they don't know what it's like.

I pretend I'm one of the models, 

When I actually burn every picture with a model on it.

I look in the mirror and pretend I'm one of them.

When I actually just see the fog cover my face.

I look at the mannequins and wish I was one of them.

Wishing I could be taken apart and never have to suffer.

To look out the display window 

And see the world end slowly.

I play dress up with the little kids and I get pushed away, 

So I have to dress up on my own.

I never get a turn on the swing because they call me fat.

I never get to be the bride at the pretend wedding,

Because I look like a boy.

I look at no future friends.

I look at no future boyfriends or husbands.

I hate the princesses that married that special prince.

Because I was never saved by one.

The attraction for the same sex,

Gets me in trouble.

Because I don't know what to do,

Or what to feel.

More rejection gets me upset,

And I don't know what to say,

Or how to defend myself.

I've let myself go.

I watch that blade slice that onion,

When I actually want it on my skin.

I've watched the belt go around my waist,

When I actually want it around my neck.

I can't talk to anyone,

Because no one can keep a secret.

  I can't talk to myself,

Because everyone calls me crazy.

I can't cry at night,

Because my parents want to know.

I don't know what to do.

I don't know what to feel.

I don't know what to say.

I don't how to live anymore.

I know who I really am.

I know how ugly I am.

I've looked at all the pretty people on the train, bus, and plane.

and every movie, show, and music video.

I can't take it anymore.

I wanna tear my face off.

I wanna scratch my skin till I bleed.

I wanna die.

I just can't.

I can't be pretty...and I can't die.

I can't watch that belt go around my neck,

I can't move that blade across my skin.

Perhaps if I pretend...like Dress up,

I'll be pretty...I'll be pretty.

Love, Me

Dear me,

You're all I have left of myself.

But you are becoming different.

You aren't the girl I know anymore.

Someone else is defining your turn in me.

Such things are becoming out of the ordinary for me.

Knowledge is becoming more stronger and stranger.

Love has become more powerful,

And yet, you knew I never wanted it to happen.

Your appearance has changed,

Somewhat faster than I expected.

Your dares are almost becoming permanent.

Your childhood dresses are becoming your tomboy discreetness.

I don't know how much more I can take of this.

I've become more and more afraid of you in me.

You become to pursue danger far more than it's already been.

Your mischief has gotten me in trouble.

How can I tell you to stop?

I need you to understand that this is not what I want in me.

I need you to understand that you are,

The emotion, the urge, the life, that I need.

Please, hear me out.

Love, Me

The Pen

My right hand man, the pen.

Because I can't write with my left.

You glide across the paper,

Going where I tell you to go.

You stay upon the paper when I leave,

Knowing I'll be back to direct you again.

Or you sleep right beside me,

In case I have an outbreak of an idea.

Yet, you help me in some way.

Your ink runs ideas in my head.

Victoriously driving me insane,

Because I don't know what to put instead.

Sometimes you leave me,

And don't tell me where you are.

Because you don't know where you put yourself.

That's okay.

You're a special kind of pen.

And the next one that finds you,

Will know the ideas of you...

My Right Hand Pen.

Imaginary Friend

You talk to me in public.

You talk to me when I sleep.

You talk to me when I eat.

You talk to me when I pee.

I don't know what to do with you,

I'm going completely insane.

I don't know how to deal with you,

I just can't put you in your place.

You were my friend before,

You weren't that much of an annoyance.

You aren't my friend anymore.

You aren't that much of my maintenance.

However, I still love you.

You are still my friend in need.

The one I can talk to, 

And tell secrets to.

You are the shoulder I can lean on to.

A Confession to Daddy

So, dad, I have a confession to make.

You left, leaving me like I was doll without a head.

Knowing you couldn't play with me because I was broken already.
I don't know how you sleep at night.

I don't know if you think of me.

You don't know what being left alone is like.

You pushed me away over and over.
Knowing all I wanted was to lay next to you.
I stay in the corner.

I have to cry at my own time.

But it seems that even my own time won't let me cry for you.

You've showed me not to be afraid.

By you not being here for me to keep the monsters away.

But I think you're the monster now.

I think you're the one that scares me.

I've learned to cry for the people who've been my friends.

Simply because I don't know what to feel...

For those who've left me behind.

Dad, my emotions have taken over me.

I'm not a virgin in emotions.

I already know what it's like.

Because I live in here.

I guess this is my world.

I guess this is my corner.

You're the teacher,

And I'm the dunce.

People say if I'll be happy to see you again.

Truth is, I don't think I'll ever see you again.

But I don't know if it's because of time...

Or because I just don't want to see you.

I've taken over your job as a father of me.

I tuck myself in now.

I feed myself now.

I teach myself now.

Now, I have some questions for you.

Will you ever come back?

Do you ever think of me?

Do you want me anymore in your life?

Are you really afraid of my mother...

Or just the way I feel?

Fuckin' Society

See, in my life,
Fuckin' Society wants me to be social.

The Fuckin' people want me to talk.

The Fuckin' boys want to flirt with me.

In my fuckin' dreams,
the Fuckin' chicks are dancin' all over me.

But see, in school,
The Fuckin' AP won't let me sleep.

Fuckin' teachers won't let me dream.

Fuck this question, this Fuckin' question is too hard.

I get in trouble because,
The Fuckin' teacher wants to act like a fuckin' sarcastic retard.

On the way back home,
Some Fuckin' bum asks for two quarters (Shit, I give it to him anyway)

My bro asks me to play Xbox,
But the Fuckin' game keeps makin' me lose (Shit, I'm out of here)

My mom's pissin' me off.
The Fuckin' concrete keeps trippin' me.

Fuckin' dropouts keep offering me booze (Heh, I think I'll try it)

At school again,
Some Fuckin' boy keeps asking me out (Even though I say no)

Girlfriend shows me a magazine,
Fuckin' model in the magazine keeps staring at me.

Recess comes,
Fuckin' hunks won't let me walk without hitting a pole.

My phone rings,
Fuckin' parents won't leave me alone.

I'm in Fuckin' prison in my own home.
Fuckin' parents won't let me go out.

That pisses me off,
 But my Fuckin' emotions won't let me shout.

My Dad left when I was seven.
Fuckin' dad made me a weird child.
I grew up already.

But Fuckin' Society's made me a wild child.

Dang Darnit,
This damn Fuckin' Society.

I don't but I do

I think it's hard to understand me.

For I can't understand myself either.

I think it's hard to deal with me.

For I can't deal with myself either.

I don't like violence,

But I like to commit violence.

I don't like drugs,

But sleep's becoming a habit.

I don't have a dad,

But I pretend I see him.

I don't have much friends,

But I have an imaginary friend.

I don't like school,

But I wanna graduate.

I don't like judgement.

But I tend to judge without me knowing.

I don't like love,

But I've always wanted to have someone special.

I don't like kids,

But I love my sister as my own.

I don't like life,

But I have to live everyday.

I don't wanna die,

But I've tried to die.

It never works.